I made the mistake of watching “Cloverfield” on FX last night. My wife was on the couch doing other things but from time to time would look up to see what was going on in the movie. I kept waiting for something, anything to happen but nothing ever did. To sum it all up: there was a big bat-like creature in Manhattan (big surprise) and it had crab-like parasites on it that fell to the ground and attacked people while the monster destroys everything in sight – the end.
Now while I might have been disappointed in the movie, I’ve already come up with a sequel, “Cloverfield 2: Deep in the Heart of Texas.”
Here is how the movie opens – it’s a Thursday morning in downtown Houston when all the sudden comes a roar from near the Toyota Center; the urban types who populate downtown panic and flee in all directions as the monster shows itself. News choppers fly overhead televising live images of the beast as it knocks down building after building. The police are there but are powerless to stop the creature. Slowly the crackle of small arms fire builds over the screams of the city dwellers as more and more hunters join the fight! They were watching the news and listening to the radio when the story broke. There are traffic jams on the Katy freeway, 59 coming in from the North is practically a parking lot, even 45 South is packed with trucks and SUVs filled with hunters and their dogs itching to get a piece of the monster – “Hurry up y’all or we’re gonna miss all the fun.” Weaponry once banned by International treaty is brought to bear on the beast. And those little crab things that attacked the New Yorkers like muggers on holiday? They'll be taken care of by the packs of hunting dogs that came in with their owners looking for a fight.
Before the US Army and Air Force can queue up their forces, the Texas hunters have already killed the monster (plus all the crabs) and arguments have begun about who gets to mount the monster’s head and how the meat will be divided up. Ah, it is a good day to be a Texan!
I need to copyright this idea before it gets stolen!